Or Just After

Well, it is Tuesday. I leave Friday night. I started cleaning up the room that I have called home for the last seven weeks. This routine feels familiar. You start my making the piles, piles of trash, piles of laundry, piles of all the things that you will give to those who are staying on, piles of the clothes that you started the journey with, and the pile of clothes that you are ending the journey with, the small gifts, and the yoga books that you just had to have. All the things that will journey on with you, and all the “stuff” left behind.

I am really trying hard not to run around like a mad woman. I am trying to enjoy my last days here. To soak in, rather than wring out. As I arrived for practice this morning Sharath said “you come 4:45.” It felt like a metaphor for the depth that I have climbed. As I approach my last practices I am trying to allow the space in my head and in my body that will tie all this together. The aloneness, the togetherness, the struggle, the release, all the chanting and the vibration that has remained. Wallace Stevens says it better,

"I do not know which to prefer,
The beauty of inflections
Or the beauty of innuendos
The black bird whistling
Or just after.

The Canadian Me

This is me and Carol shopping in the market. She and I met in Anu's over dinner one Friday evening. We instantly bonded over our waitress past, love of samosas, hailing from a small Ashtanga community, and our dirty little shared secret love of celebrity gossip web sites. I can't remember when I have had such an instant connection and comfort level with someone I just met. I think it has been her friendship that has brought so much of this experience together for me.

This is my last week here in Mysore. I couldn't have even imagined typing that sentence upon my arrival. I feel strong and connected to myself and the tradition of yoga. I am very much looking forward to sharing this India experience with so many dear friends from home. I'll be seeing some of them dark and early in the Bangalore airport this week.

Jill Shout Out

I just went to Kyle's blog and he gave me a shout out and a posted a really nice picture of me from the morning.
Check it out http://www.earthandnow.blogspot.com/ you'll find it in the post "People at the Shala." Very Mister Rodgers, I love it.

This Is India

"....Like A Polaroid Picture"

Today is the end of my 6th week of practice at the Shala. It has been a truely tranformative experience. At the the end of the led class this morning, as Sharath said to lie down and take rest, I put my practice towel over my eyes, and started to cry. I feel different. In the last two weeks I feel like I have found my inner Shakti. Shakti meaning sacred force, power or energy. It is always associated with the feminine aspect of the divine. I have always thought of myself as Shiva's girl, especially as my wild hair has grown over the past few years, and taken up the very intense and sometimes forceful practice of Ashtanga Yoga.

I think really working on "minding my head" and since I've been here in Mysore this time I've tried to practice "oily." In this process of being here alone, on my own, I have found her. I look forward to shaking more Shakti this year. Maybe you will too!

What can I say?

I have found myself in the position back home where someone asks me about India, or the Shala, or Guruji, and I can tell that they don't want to hear how amazing the experience is which is the truth for me. What have I done? I down play the whole thing, and end the chapter of that conversation very quickly.

For me I will never be grateful enough for these experiences. As I right now look out my bedroom door and see the brightest blue sky with the whitest clouds only interrupted by the most brilliant palm tress. I've got to pinch myself. Ahhh! India, what sweet friends we are.

photo by Carol Reynolds

Sharath you totally "set the bar"

Some days I can't think of one single thing to blog about. Then there are days like today and I find little nuggets everywhere. I am finding that I have a habit of hearing the smallest phrase that no one else thinks is enlightening then I begin to riff on it in my head. There have been too many today.

The rain this morning was a joke. A big cosmic joke. It's dark, it's pouring, and it is before 5:30am. Practice was strong today and I made sure that I remembered to add Bhekasana. As I was starting my back bends Sharath came over to me and told me to add, as in today, as in stop what your are doing and do this, two more poses. This is no small thing! Again I start with the back bends and he is there waiting for me. I tend to go faster when Sharath is standing there. Faster for me when it comes to drop backs is sloppier. After my third he caught my waist and said, "Wired?" I made a face that must have conveyed my confusion. He said it again, "Wired?" Oh! Tired. An Indian head wiggle comes in handy in these situations. Had my ankles today, I know that Sharth thinks I can do it better.

As I walked to the changing room, I passed him and he and I giggled. His laugh said try harder tomorrow, and mine said OK, I will.

Thanks to all my teachers who set the bar higher than I thought it should go.
Namo Namah

See the pattern differently

I think that I have found the secret to yoga. I think that I have known this all along, but today I really got it. We must train ourselves to be more and more flexible. I know that in the practice of asana this concept is clear. Like many of the practices asana sets up a great foundation, it feels like a starting point in a way, through the physical aspect of practice the student can clearly see change.

Then what?

How can you begin to and then continue to develop flexibility of the mind? What about flexibility of the heart? This phrase popped into my head the other day. How can you begin to see the pattern differently? The pattern does not change; you change in relation to the pattern.

I was all set and excited to go to Philosophy class this morning. We had off on Monday for a holiday inspired by Lord Krishna. When I arrived at Jayashree’s and opened the door, I saw all the students sitting in the large entrance way in front of a newly built large alter built to Lord Krishna. Jayashree’s family was in the next room performing puja. After some time listening to the chanting, Jayashree came out and said, “One by one come in and see God.”

Better than Philosophy class….participating in a Jayashree’s family puja.

Flexibility

Then as I waited outside for Kyle, who I split a rickshaw with, it was decided that we would go with Niko to find a book on Sanskrit that he was looking for. As we walked Kyle asked if anyone knew where Krishnamacharya’s Shala where he taught Guruji was. And just like that Niko brought us into the Shala where Krishnamacharya taught. The pulsation was off the chart, for real.

Flexibility

Now I am sitting in what has become my office at Anu’s Bamboo Hut sweat dripping down my body and off my nose…it is so hot, isn’t suppose to be Monsoon season?

Ahh Flexibility.

Nothing Remains the Same

Everything is changing very quickly around Mysore. The Shala has really quieted down, and with that comes earlier start times (I am now arriving at 5:30am), earlier bed times, and more and more familiar faces. The pace of everything starts to slow down.

The weather is wild. Since the day I arrived we had very typical Monsoon season weather. I learned to never leave the house without, at the very least, my umbrella. I was growing accustomed to the sunless days, and the damp downright chilly nights. Since Thursday it has been hot and sunny with very little humidity. I am trying not to get overly attached to this weird weather pattern, it is still Monsoon season after all.

As I left for the Shala this morning I noticed my neighbor across the street had his light on and too was preparing for the predawn march down the road. Over an after practice coconut I told him that seeing his light on gave me comfort, a feeling that I wasn’t alone in this crazy dance. He then told me that the sound that my gate makes signaled to him that, “ahh, Jill is walking to the Shala now.”

What to say about practice? I am learning that in the intense back bending section it is ok to not be in control. As I surrendered to Sharath he easily put my hands right away on my calves, this time with no argument from me, he then said “Wednesday you do Bhekasana.” Just like that…Pade, Pade.

I'm Sick

I have been not feeling really great for about a week, but I kept pushing, and pushing. Then on Thursday night I woke up in the middle of the night with a sore throat, and a very runny left nostril. I decided to rest and I skipped my very first practice since I have been here in Mysore. I am glad that I did because I still don't feel well, but I will go to practice tomorrow, and press on.

I haven't felt torn about being here since that very first week. Now that Mike is home from his adventure I just want to be near him, and Angie. These things tend to cycle and I am sure by the middle of the up coming week I will be once again relishing each moment.

Today I am just resting and trying to heal myself so that my last two weeks of practice can be as amazing as the first 5 have been.

Try Again

Every Sunday feels fresh and full of prana and possibilities. Today is Thursday and just by looking around the Shala you can see the fullness, and the fatigue. It is like every student is wearing a different t-shirt each with a personal message they say, "not another sutra", "I can't tell my "i's" from my "e's", mine said "no more drop backs!" As I approached my first, it was passable, but sloppy at best. By my second Sarasvati was there and I could not come up, and took a little tumble to the floor. As I stood ready to move on, she said "try again" and I did try again, and gave her the look that said, "I am all set today."

Lessons learnt this week:
Do not book a massage on the same day as Sanskrit
No Chai after 3pm
It is good to be a geek

Tomorrow I am in the early led group. New waking time 4:00am. Two weeks until the Philly yogi's leave for India!!

Dharana

Finally it feels like India. After practice this morning, I am slowly starting to get used the early morning routine, Ida from Denmark informed me that the weather report was to be sunny for three whole days. Sun, she said, sun. I haven't seen the sun since I have been here, and clothes have dried very slowly or not completely at all. This will be a good time to do some laundry.

I have been taking at afternoon philosophy class that is given at Jayashree's. Her brother combines lecture with a question and answer period in a 90 minute session. The classes are really tough, and challenging to sit through. The room is packed, like Shala packed and I sometimes leave there with my head kind of spinning.

I have some interesting feelings arising. I am very contented to be here, at the same time I am very excited about seeing my friends in Kerala, and at the same time looking so forward to coming home. This seems to be the exact opposite of the definition of dharana which according to Patanjali is binding the mind to one place. Maybe my practice will be stronger tomorrow.

This picture is courtesy of my friend Carol, from Canada. I am wading through a market full of mud looking for the perfect beads for my sister.

Fall in love with the journey

Going to re register at the Shala yesterday was a new experience. It sometimes feels like everything around me is going to turn into a pumpkin. I have been here for more than one month, but not quite two. Sharath called me a bad lady for not staying longer, I bobbed my head put my tongue firmly in the third position and said, "What to do?"

5:45am is my new start time.

4:45am for led classes.

Practice today felt great even for such an early start. As I went to work on my drop backs Sharath again was standing waiting for me. It is not an unusual thing to see Sharath on the final drop back bringing students hands to their calves, or in some cases even higher. He has not been moving me in that direction....until this morning. As I tried to surrender to the teacher he put my right hand on my right calf, and then as he went for the left I started resisting. I got the "Don't fear" mantra, but there I was fearing, fearing, and then there it was my left hand holding onto a part of my body I never dreamed it would go.

Now I've got to dream bigger.

As I stood up to move to the stage for closing postures he said "tomorrow you do salabhasana." I am plugging right along. Two weeks from Friday I'll be saying goodbye to this part of the journey. I am working hard to stay present and not anticipate what is coming next. In the short term what is next...a Thai massage, and a Sanskrit lesson.

Hari OM

Devotion

Devotion is defined as ardent, often selfless affection and dedication, as to a person or principle. Also known as love.

I awoke this morning to the alarm. It was 5am, and completely dark in my room. The only sound I heard was water rushing through pipes onto the street and the rain falling. It was kind of a relentless rain.

Get up, get dressed, and go.

One by one we assemble on the stairs, there is an earlier class, and wait. Waiting in the rain. Waiting 40 minutes in the rain to begin. As I look around the group I see all the familiar faces, it seems as though no one has decided to stay in bed this morning, although I am sure we all contemplated it. Sometimes it is very hard to define devotion, or bhakti, or love, but you sure know it when you see it.

I am sitting in my room watching the soft Monsoon rain out my front door and loving every minute. Ahhh India, what a sweet place.

Independence Day

Somehow I thought this would be louder, bigger, and more outwardly celebrated. I am finding it however way more inspiring that it is quiet in Mysore today on India's Independence Day. I am also exploring a bit of my own inner Independence, I can hear Manorama in my ear saying,"whatever that means." This is my first time experiencing the endless practice cycle. I have really never known past the forth week of practice at the Shala, and I am totally getting the built in rest days. My practice time gets earlier and earlier, and after I re register it is surely to be predawn.

There are more days behind me on this leg of the journey than lie ahead. I have no idea how this time will come to be shaped and manifest in my life and teaching, but I do feel different already because of it.

Things that I am inspired by:
Mike, my husband, check out his blog
The beauty of India
The other (hopelessly) devoted students who like me traveled so far and risked so much to be here
Uncertainty, "is it raining, or is that just the palm tress rattling?"

Walk of Shame

In this whole time I have not gotten yelled at once. Everyday in the Shala you will hear the yells. "No, you first!" when someone is coming into the Shala out of turn. Today someone somewhere in the room was catching their big toes instead of the sides of their feet, "Catch your feet, catch your feet!" The there is the ever popular, "Sit down!" this is when someone is trying to do dropbacks, and they didn't know they weren't allowed.

My morning started crummy. I should not check my email first thing in the morning, no matter how much I want to hear from my husband. As I walked to the Shala my mind was racing, and I contemplated going back home and stewing there. As I made it into the lobby to my surprise there were no students waiting. Then I heard it, "One more!" I looked around and then went into the room. Making your way through the Shala is kind of like making your way through series of land mines, arms and legs are flying from every direction it is best to move quickly and decisively. Just when I went to lay my mat down all the way across the room I heard, "What is your time?!" and just like that I was sent back to the lobby. Just because I am feeling a little sensitive today I started to cry a little.

This is what I am now referring to as the new "Walk of Shame." Like in college, but without the messy mascara.

At the end of practice, another day, another set of dropbacks, Sharath saw me move my right foot a tiny bit and when I came up like he was the Meryl Streep character in the Devil Wears Prada. He softly said, "don't move." For the next two dropbacks I swear I didn't move even an
inch.

It's Thursday and I am exhausted from the routine. I just got back from a special lunch for Mary from Yoga Sutra Philly, and now I am officially "taking rest."

"Keil Envy"

I am suffering from a rather serious case of what I am referring to as, "Keil envy." In the last 24 hours I have received so many messages from people back home who are working with one of the best yoga teachers I have ever met. I am very happy and humbled to say that he has been a great influence on my practice, and in turn my life. He is probably the biggest reason that I am here in India (for the third time in less than two years) and thus the Keil himself is why I am now suffering from Keil envy. There must be a lesson here.

Here are some highlights that you all wrote me that have me living vicariously through you:

"I am flying high!"
"both of us are good and sore."
"something stirred of how good it was to see him, made me happy"
"I was so wiped out by the end, and definitely fell flat on my butt in karandavasana"
"David is like a velvet hammer. I miss your "are you KIDDING me??!!" looks (pre-mayurasana) that always help me through mysore week!"

Missing David Keil very much, but very much so missing all of you!

Me, Junita, and the Shala

It dosen't get better than this!

The Experience IS the Transformation

I have received loads of emails/messages from home. It f eels like they are pouring in from students/friends/family that are all reporting about their own journey with Ashtanga Yoga. The teacher who has opened so many doors for me with regards to this practice is in my home town, Philadelphia. I am missing him and the transformation that comes from the experience of working with him. He is a wonderful teacher.

I have been thinking a lot about the role of the teacher, and what it means to teach, and how so often a good teacher may not answer your question, but will invite you to examine the question and give you the space to expand into the answer for yourself.

Here in Mysore there in no shortage of wonderful teachers. As always the best teacher starts from within. Sitting in Sanskrit today as everyone in level 2 was struggling away Lakshimish just casually said, “Effort may fade, but never fail to make the effort.” I think I’ll sit with that for awhile.

The sky is getting dark and I am about to head out to chant, it is sure to be a rainy rickshaw ride.

Jai to all of my beloved teachers, and Thank You.

Ok, Ok

I know that I have taken a few days off from writing, but I have had some things on my mind that I don't think were blog appropriate. The end of last week was really hard. I wasn't sleeping because I was feeling very vulnerable about my place at home. It felt as if I was unaware of changes that I would otherwise be made aware of. Anyway, you gotta get over all that. I am here so I need to fully commit to being here and as my friend Mary told me, "don't worry, Guruji will take care of everything."

I believe.

Saturday was an off day from asana, but my turbo Sanskrit class met and it feels like there should be a level between one and two. I think I need a level one and half. I am managing, while struggling and learning a whole bunch.

Sunday I had another Sanskrit lesson, I know turbo charged, and then conference. What an experience. Listening to Sharath speak about yoga, and so skillfully answer or not answer questions humbles and awes me. I will be forever grateful for that experience. I made the choice to not take notes and I am still processing the gems. More on that later.

Big News. Just as I wrote an email to my teacher back home saying that I think Sharath had forgotten about me. Today I am starting my back bends and I hear from across the room "Krounchasana, you do krounchasana." He didn't forget about me at all! So, I received another pose and a new start time 7am!

I am very happy, and very full from a North Indian Thali.

Love, Love

The Reminder

I have been staring at the computer screen for to long. I am trying to come up with something meaningful and profound to say and it feels like I got nothing. I think the enormity of this experience is finally hitting me. I think that is the wave that has crashed into me and pulled me back out far away from shore.

I have been thinking a bit about what I sometimes refer to as the personal and universal experience that is inherit in a led vinyasa class, like the ones I teach at Wake Up Yoga. The same is true here. There is this overarching universal experience. We are all here practicing in the Ashtanga Vinyasa Tradition. We have all traveled from far away to drink from the source. So, what separates us? It seems that it is the personal intention that creates such uniqueness here.

In Teacher Training we spend so much time emphasising the question, "What is your intention?" By knowing your intention dichotomies disappear and as a result self confidence grows. I think this helps when trying to relax into an experience. I should remind myself of this everyday.

Release Me

It feels like I hit my first wall here. I am for the first time since my arrival really looking forward to Saturday as a day off. I am also struggling today with the intensiveness of the experience. My body hurts, my mind is totally full, and I still have to finish Sanskrit homework and go to class. I woke up this morning, and it felt like I dragged myself to practice, and then half way through a practice that I can best describe as limp, I thought what the **** am I doing here. I didn't want to do drop backs again today and I thought that I would just skip them, but I don't know how or where the energy came from I completed them and retired to the ladies changing room for closings and savasana.

Regress/Progress

Someone with a child told me that is how children make their strides. They seem to take a few steps back before they launch themselves forward. So, I am working on this visualization of me in a sling shot and right now I am being pulled WAY back. Back so far that it is totally uncomfortable and I'll wait to be released.

Rama Rama

I am missing my husband today, so I have gone through my photos and found one from our last trip. I really miss him. Today I feel that my brain might explode right now. I went to take my first harmonium lesson and it was a real trip. Aunti Ji is about 75 years old and she is one intense teacher. When I asked her how often students come to take lessons she said without hesitation, "every day." So, I am embarking on this journey for the remainder of my time here. Just as my brain was nearly full, I went to Sanskrit and whoa, overload. The homework, how I forgot about the volume of homework. I think with the amped up study regimen, time will fly.

Practice was great! Finally, my time was moved up and now I am starting at 7:30 shala time (7:15am.) I am very happy about this. Again Pasasana was more than passable. After my third back bend I could feel Sharath standing on my mat so without any drama I simply came to standing. I know the cure for not being able to do drop backs. Have Sharath standing there watching every single one, waiting to do the assisted back bends with you. Oh Dear!!

Now I am sitting in Anu's Bamboo hut, in the company of other yogi's from all over the globe enjoying the breeze and the sound of the palm trees rattling. Life is Good.

You win some, you lose some

I finally lost the battle with my trusty alarm clock. Last week it petered out on me, but by the grace of the god powering all things technical it came back to life. It was the birds of South India that provided me with a wake up call this morning. As I turned to see what time it was it came into sharp focus that my alarm clock had officially passed away. Above is my new alarm clock courtesy of Loyal World.

I walked to the Shala this morning feeling great. My Sanskrit class started yesterday, and I already feel that level 2 is going to be a real challenge. We learnt "personal terminations," which someone had to explain to me that was the Indian way of saying personal endings. Lakshimsh laid those out as foundation and then gave us at least 25 verbs that need to be memorized by Tuesday. I forgot how serious he is when it comes to homework and showing up properly prepared. At Jayashree's there are rules written and hung on her wall the first one states:

"Be sincere and regular."

I love that rule.

Practice was strong, very energized. As I bent down to practice Pasasana, I tried to put into practice surrender and non-attachment. Viola there is was on the left then the right. Here is the real lesson, Sharath was in the office speaking with another student. What's that expression about the tree in the forest falling? It still for me was a really powerful moment.

It has been raining less and slowly heating up. I am heading to chanting this evening, and I made an appointment with the famous Auntie-Ji for a harmonium lesson tomorrow. I am excited to add that to my study here.

Surrender is Now

I took off yesterday from blogging, it was after all a Moon Day and after nearly two weeks here I wanted a day to climb in rather than expand out. Yesterday was totally the tipping point for surrender. I have finally come to grips with several things:

#1. bucket baths are not so bad

#2. it is ok if I never move past Pasasana

#3. mosquito bites while annoying will not kill me

#4. while some in India experience diarrhea, I on the other hand spend more time constipated (this is good to note if you are on the Wake Up Yoga pilgrimage)

#5. here, no matter how many times you have made this journey, is not HOME

#6. Laundry takes a very long time to dry during Monsoon season

#7. I have no control over what happens at home

I gave myself two weeks to really get into the experience here. Starting tomorrow I go from wading in the yoga to the full submerge, as Mike would say, "just dunk it."

Thanks for all compassion about my neck pain. It is feeling much better and I am excited to get back to the Shala for tomorrow's led class. Hopefully soon I'll have some postings about classes/workshops/Sanskrit meetings for the fall. Until then if you or a yoga studio you frequent would like to schedule a workshop please send me an email yoga@jillmanning.com

Namo Namah

or as Ali G says, "respect!"

Masala Magic

It's the Thursday before a moon day therefore we practice as if it was Friday today. Very Indian logic. I woke up early for practice and as soon as I stepped out of bed onto the cold marble floor I felt it. A massive kink in the left side of my neck from sleeping funny. As I slowly got dressed I contemplated skipping practice this morning. I couldn't turn my head at all to the left and dipping my head back was completely out of the question. I got dressed anyway and went out the door.

All you can do, is all you can do.

As practice started even raising my arms over head was incredibly painful. I manged to crawl around on my mat and not make too much of a scene. I was glad when it was over. Stopped and had a coffee and then it was on to the cooking lesson.

I must say it wasn't the most stress free cooking lesson. There was a lot of information, and a lot of people so at times it felt chaotic. I was reminded how India food fits so perfectly in the science of yoga. Every spice and herb has specific healing properties in addition to the flavor for the dish. We made dahl (now I feel I totally get it), and cabbage, and spinach, and of coarse chapatis. Which are easier and harder than I thought they would be. After the lesson my friend Tomas and I took a long walk. I mean a really long walk, and now I am so tired. Tomorrow and Saturday are days off and many people have left Gokulam. It is quiet, and that it good.

"You have 10 new messages"

Something told me to check my voice mail this morning. I left an out going message that states that I am out of the country until the 20th of September, so if you really need me email me. Mike while he is on the road has been calling me everyday and leaving me messages. I listened to my husbands voice over Skpe for 10 lovely messages. It was the best!

Definitely settling into a routine. Even the rain seems predictable (kind of.) My alarm clock seems to be playing with me one minute it is working and the next it seems to be broken. Right now it is working. I enjoyed practice this morning and I like have time to tinker with poses and transitions. Pasasana is coming right along and maybe Monday I'll get to add another. I am not getting my hopes up. Friday is a new moon, so tomorrow will be a led practice at 6am. Showing up to the Shala early is very important. One thing I know I am good at is being early. For the most part in India being early isn't helpful, but on the mornings of led practice it is the key to sanity.

After practice I found Lakshmish and firmed up that Sanskrit Level II is beginning on Tuesday. We meet three times a week for the month of August. I am very eager to begin studying with him again. I still haven't decided about harmonium. The best part about this trip is that there isn't this mad dash to get everything started. There is time to contemplate what you want to study and with whom.

I am getting ready to go have lunch with a friend then I'll be off to chanting. Tomorrow I am taking a cooking lesson with Anu. I know a lot of foodies so stay tuned for tomorrows blog with loads of pictures and information about some South Indian delights.

Hari Om

The Juice

Here is the routine so far:

Wake

Practice

Eat

Bucket Bath

Read/Write/Study

Clean Room

Eat

Return Email

Chanting at Jayashree’s

Chat and Chai

Bed

The schedule will vary slightly next week Sanskrit starts at the Shala. Chanting last night was intense Sutra after Sutra, one Pada after the next. The energy in the room combined with the vibration from chanting is so powerful. Jayashree is a master teacher. When ever I sit with an exceptional teacher I wait for the gem. I think I started focus on this when I would go to Joan White’s class at home in Philadelphia. No matter how frustrating her class could be. There was always a point, a nugget, a gem that I would catch and ruminate on it for days. I know that there is always at least one. When you sit with Manorama she has at least 108.

Jayashree related the idea of practice like learning to swim. She said with the cutest hand gesture and head bob that when learning to swim we all swallow a little water. I think that I swallowed a little less water in Pasasana this morning. As I began to move into the pose I could feel Sharath’s eyes on me and when I turned to do the right said there he was watching me. I bound on the left and the right and he made his way over to me and just said “better.” I’ll take that. My husband asked for a picture of this mythic asana so that he could “see” the story better. Above is a picture of my teacher in a perfect Pasasana.

Oh what a pitiful Pasasana you have

It is the beginning of week two, and yes one week makes a huge difference. I am sleeping through the night and practicing each morning, chanting each night, and no longer in a state of panic about being here.

I think that I am figuring out that traveling to India no matter how many times you’ve done it, no matter how familiar the destination it is a shock to every system in the body. Thinking that you can just pick up where you left of is just silly.

Silly Jilly

Conference last night was so nice. All the students came to the Shala and sat waiting for Sharath. Sharth took a seat at the edge of the stage and we all sat in silence for a bit then he chanted and began to speak about yoga. What a great teacher. This is my first time really having an opportunity to work with Sharath. He is giving me poses, and dropping me back everyday. He is teaching me. I didn’t bring a notebook which I will surely do next Sunday so when I came home I just jotted this in my journal.

Yoga must be connected to Shastra (spiritual text)

Proper breathing (in asana) is breath through the nose

Focus

Repetition

Faith

Surrender

The point that which you focus, the dot, the dot is your soul. Focus on that union.

Sharath after back bending told me he’d help me with Pasasana tomorrow. Can’t wait.

Monsoon Madness

I have never in my life seen such rain. It comes down from out of nowhere hard and fast with a sound quite like a train. And just as quickly as it arrives it ends leaving nothing but blue sky. It is a great metaphor, "nothing remains the same" no matter how rainy. I am really growing into being here and very grateful that I have this time and space to practice and grow.

Today was another led class. Here is the rhythm, Monday through Thursday is a Mysore Practice and Friday and Sunday the class is led. Sharath's led nearly killed me so I took comfort that Sarasvati would be leading my group this morning. Just as I sat down on my mat Sharath came blasting out of the office and heralded, "Samasthitih." I literally looked at the girl next to me and said, "oh shit." Thankfully Sharath just led the chant and then Sarasvati took over. She leads like Guruji with some serious quickness to her count.

This afternoon there is conference with Sharath. I haven't been to a conference since my first visit when Guruji was still so vital and present. I have no idea what to expect, but I'll be sure to write about it tomorrow. Tomorrow I am starting Intermediate with the addition of Pasasana, of all the 2nd series poses I have to work with this is my least confident. Who knows just having Sharath standing in front of my might change everything. Let's hope.

Chamundi Charm

Finally I slept through the night. This is a good thing because today is Saturday and there is no practice so getting up at 2:30 am would have really been bad. I got up and went to have some breakfast and coffee and what used to be Shakti. It is not there same there. Junita still lives there and it is always so great to see her. When I came through the gate she did this little happy prance dance and thrilled me, but also broke my heart because I would love to remove her from this place and bring her home. After breakfast I decided to go with a group to Chamundi Hill. This is the third time that I have climbed this monster of a hill.

Trip #1 http://jillmanning.blogspot.com/2006/11/chamundi-hill.html

Trip #2 http://jillmanning.blogspot.com/2007/09/seeing-rama-in-drama.html

This is trip number three. I am in a strange place here in Mysore. I have been here before, but not so many times that I have like "Mysore Peeps" connections. I guess that is what it feels like when I hang out with Michael from last years Sanskrit class. We know each other from here and now we are here together again, so there is none of that weird first time getting to know someone. I am shocked that I am not sorer from led class yesterday, and I am looking forward to getting back to practice tomorrow. The practice here anchors you, so that you don't get caught up in the drama of it all. I just had a lovely lunch/dinner. They tend to bleed together. I am looking forward to a semi hot shower and another full night’s sleep. Hari OM

Love, Love

First led class. It was a doozy. No, it was a Doozy with a capital D. The second group was to begin at 6am which is really like 5:45am and I know from times past you better get there early or you'll have to practice in the lobby or even worse the changing room. I think I arrived on the steps at about 5:15am. I was the first one there. Our group was not quite that big we utilized only the lobby no need for the changing room. Talk about mat to mat it was the biggest group I have ever practiced with.

The chant was amazing.

When you practice alone or in some very small groups being in the company of so many people, for me is "the juice." Sharath was brutal this morning. The count was so slow. If students came up from caturanga before the count (which happened more I thought it would) we had to hover and wait, and wait before coming up. I think we were in headstand for at least three minutes before we came down half way and then back up. I am going to be sore tomorrow. I don't even want to talk about Utplutih.

Tomorrow is a day off and I have no idea what I will do. Maybe laundry? When I first arrived on Monday morning I doubted everything. My decision to come here by myself, my decision to stay for so long, I couldn't remember what exactly I was here for. Now, I remember I am here to study and rest. I am here to work on the practice of yoga inside of its homeland. I am here to play with effort and surrender. As Mike's mom says, I am here to rearrange the furniture of my mind.

Power Restored

I can't believe how many power outages there have been since my arrival. I count at least four a day. But, nothing feels better than when your battery on your computer is just about to die and the power kicks back on. Somehow it feel just perfectly cosmic. Just got back from having lunch with two lovely ladies. We decided to walk home and for my second time this trip waked into a Monsoon rain. When you only bring two pairs of pants one needs to be dry at all times.

I rode that practice high all day yesterday. In the evening I went to Jayashree's for chanting. It is a great group and some tough chanting. I think that Ashtangi's get a bad rap when it comes to the more meditative practices. Here Jayashree's small room is full of yoga students chanting their hearts out and swaying with the divine. It is so nice. We worked on a favorite chant of mine and Jayashree went word by word over its meaning.

I am still not sleeping all the way through the night. I woke up at 2:30am and have been up ever since. My practice this morning felt tired, heavy, and sluggish. Those words are just qualities and I try not to give each practice like a thumbs up or down, but to dive into the feeling. I think a full night sleep would really help.

The sound outside my window soft South Indian rain. It's so sweet.

"Crying?"

Here it is the blog with pictures. Are you ready? So, it is day three here and it is getting better, much better. I can’t emphasize enough the sad feeling I had in my heart and in the pit of my stomach upon my arrival. Really it feels like the first time. The only difference it wasn’t that India knocked me on my butt. What knocked me down like the biggest wave at the Jersey shore was my own lack of confidence in myself. And with the jet lag fading and the yoga practice grounding me I am happy to say that I feel “the point” of my being here is coming into focus.

Last evening I went to Jayashree’s to do an epic chanting session and it was awesome. I went with a Finnish woman who has been so sweet to me. She is a long time student and an Authorized teacher. Really just a gift. In the last minutes of the chanting class it began to rain, no downpour, it was the biggest Monsoon rain I have ever seen. Our Rickshaw driver was supposed to come and pick us up, but he never showed. Another Rickshaw did arrive to pick up two other people and they were so nice and let me and my Finnish friend hop on in from the rain. So four Western adults were squeezed into this ride and the water was just flying around, huge puddles in the street. Cars were stuck, rickshaws couldn’t make it and all four of us were getting soaked. I really wished I had my camera. Next time.

Practice this morning was intense. I bought some fresh millet bread and home made peanut butter (110 Rs) so that I could have something in my stomach. It is so weird practicing that late in the morning and much sweatier. At the end of my drop backs Sharath came over to assist me with the deeper backbends and really just went for the ankle grabbing stage. I think as my fingers lightly touched my heels I whimpered a bit. After the forward bend squash Sharath smiled and said, “Crying?” It is going to be an intense practice with Sharath heading the Shala everyday.

After practice I asked Sharath if I could pay him the balance of my registration fee. He brought me into the office and smiled because I had the exact balance with my registration perfectly wrapped up to present to him. Then the exciting part happened! He looked at me and asked if I was doing Intermediate the last time I was here. I said no. Then he said (are you ready), “Monday you take Pasasana.” I feel great. I thought that I’d have to wait one month before that might (or might not) happen. So there you have it the longest post ever. I am going back to Jayashree’s tonight and most likely every night to bask in the vibration and memorize me some Yoga Sutra’s.

Practing for what?

So, I know the pictures where are they? I haven't had the chance to get my camera out and carry it with me. It has been a bumpy ride in my mind. I am dealing with loneliness I think for the very first time in my life. How do I turn loneliness into aloneness as a way of dating myself?

Practice this morning was great. I felt great in spite of all the other insecurities I have about everything else. It put the spotlight back on what I am here to do. The shala was so full. When I arrived at my given time 8am. I know, no dark predawn walks to the shala. I am really working on how I think this experience is supposed to be. I waited along with about thirty other Main Shala student for the call of "one more" for about another 45 minutes. I need to figure out a small breakfast to eat. Thank God I had a couple of cookies to bite on in my room otherwise I might have been forever known as "that girl" that passed out in the shala. As usual the first practice was a little fast. I'd love to say that I was one with the breath, and with an internal count like a metronome, but alsa I was not. I was however binding in every Marichasana nicely and dropping back and standing up with ease. When Sharath worked with me he just laughed a bit. At least he didn't reiterate the many mistakes making theme from last time.

Sanskrit level 2 doesn't begin until August which saddened me a bit, but I found out about some other juicy stuff in which to become immersed. In a couple of hours I am going to head over to Jayashree's for chanting the yoga sutra. I miss home. I miss the yoga community that I am so grateful to be a part of.

Practicing for what? Practice for Living.

Pictures and More Coming, I Promise

I have landed. I am right now in my room that will be home for the next seven weeks surrounded by the best sounds of South India, and experiencing the first power outage of the trip. Luckily, it is just after noon so that my biggest concern is finishing this post before my computer battery dies. My other big concern is falling into an afternoon nap. No napping is allowed at least until the end of the week. I am going to do a small practice just to get the plane out of my joints, register at the Shala which I am sure will provide good material for tomorrows post.

Traveling to Mysore:

Movie that was awful to watch 21

Movie that looked to awful to watch Fools Gold

Movie that was “ok, ok” Definitely,Maybe

Movie that had not one likable character in it, not ONE The Family Stone

I already failed at the no napping rule. I just woke up from an hour nap. I really needed it.

Happy Birthday Guru Ji

Ok, it's time!

Here we go. Here I go. This is my third trip to Mysore and I can't figure out why I am freaking out so much. This is me packing. This is me trying to fit 9 weeks of material into that smallish carry on bag. This is me freaking out!

Does anyone do yoga?

OM is nothing but music which is subtle and pure. OM cannot be chanted. Whatever we chant is linguistic OM. Can we keep the moon in our pocket? We can see it, we can point to it, but we cannot capture it. Similarly, the linguistic form of OM is a useful pointer, but the real OM we must experience.

Sri Brahmananda Sarasvati

Magic Men

Ahhh, India. Am I excited? Yes. Am I nervous? Yes. Am I ready (whatever that means)? Nearly. I have no idea how this trip will change me. I know it will impact who I am, how I teach, how I practice. What I don't know is how it will re frame what I think I know and what I thought I didn't. At practice this morning I felt myself annoyed with the chaos around me. Chaos, let me define this term. Chaos in practice is students adrift without the anchor of the method. Practice without seed, no breath, no energy connection, and no focus. No seed, no fruit, no Ashtanga Method as Guruji intended.

What to do?

Giving an adjustment in Marichasana C and or D

Step one hips

Step two binding

Step three twist

(I'm just saying)

Vibrate the heart, practice aaasana on the inside, stay engaged make sounds...Sanskrit Club tonight 7:30pm at Wake Up Yoga Fairmount!

Loafing

I celebrate myself, and sing myself, And what I assume you shall assume, For every atom belonging to me as good belongs to you. I loaf and invite my soul, I lean and loaf at my ease observing a spear of summer grass. My tongue, every atom of my blood, formed from this soil, this air, Born here of parents born here from parents the same, and their parents the same, I, now thirty-seven years old in perfect health begin, Hoping to cease not till death. Creeds and schools in abeyance, Retiring back awhile sufficed at what they are, but never forgotten, I harbor for good or bad, I permit to speak at every hazard, Nature without check with original energy.

Walt Whitman

The Juice

"One hears many things about Pattabhi Jois and the Ashtanga practice but after one engages The practice or is blessed to encounter Guruji, all the talk is nonsense. They are both experiential. It is futile as trying to tell someone what it is like to jump out of a perfectly good airplane."


Joseph Dunham

AKA My Scooby

As it gets closer and closer to departure, I am trying to brush up on my technical skills. I haven't posted with pictures for a very long time and I always need a little practice. Yesterday I posted my favorite picture of my husband from our Yoga/Mexico retreat this spring. I talk about her often in class, here she is my Angie dog!


July Updates:

Sanskrit Club this Friday July 11th 7:30 pm. Come practice your AAAA's, IIII's, and UUUU's

My final class before I become a full time student again is July 19th come and play

I am putting together some workshops that if you have a yoga studio you might just fall in love with! Check back for more details, topics to include, Sound and Silence, Intro into the Traditional/Current Ashtanga Yoga Method, Mysore Weeks, Life (and practice) is full of DropBacks, and vinyasa counting as an entry point for creative sequencing. Email if interested yoga@jillmanning.com

Mexico

It feels like the first time

As I flipped the calendar in my kitchen (http://www.phillypaws.org/) from June to July I had a mini panic attack. There it was staring at me, "Jill leaves for India!" In some ways I am very ready. I feel like I am teaching on fumes, like there is nothing left to say. My body hurts, it feels tight and tense, so practice is slow and sluggish. I need a boost, I need to relinquish the teacher role entirely and dive back into studentship. I can't seem to catch my breath when I ponder the other side. Leaving this life. Saying goodbye to my comfortable home and the love of my friends and family. My husband and I have been together for nearly 6 years and in that time we have not been away from each other for this long. Here it comes, the panic. Now I remind myself, "whole body relax, whole body relax."

July News and Updates

I am teaching my regularly scheduled classes up to and including July 19th

I am teaching a special regularly priced class on the 4th of July at Wake Up Yoga (Fairmount) 9am

Sanskrit Play Friday July 12th 7:30pm Wake Up Yoga Free!

Costa Rica! http://www.wakeupyoga.com/CostaRicaRetreat.htm

Only a few spaces remain in the '08-'09 Teacher Training Program, if you are interested check out the link http://www.wakeupyoga.com/training.html


I'll be studying in India July19th-September 6th, and traveling through the 20th of September. I will be keeping a daily blog of my practice notes, connections, and observations.

The List Continues...

Flashlight with fresh batteries (for blackouts)

Extra batteries (batteries in India are well, Indian)

Book of Suduko (for endless hours of flying 1/2 way around the world)

Black and White speckled notebook (I find these to be the perfect journal/note taking book, the books from my previous two trips are filled with some good yoga teacher stuff)

Books to read fro pleasure and books to study

A good picture of my husband and dog

Mike comes home from Chicago today. Thank Ganesha

Shine On

I can't remember the last time that I slept in bed all alone. No husband, no dog. It reminded me of when I first left New York (nearly eight years ago) and moved into a studio apartment on the corner of 4th and South St, right above the Phila-deli.

It was quiet last night and kind of a welcome solitude, I had an exhausting day.

I got my computer back and I think it is all fixed up and ready for its trip to India. As I look at the days on the calendar, reality is setting in for the long and exciting trip.

Feels like the first time.

I am heading on a new adventure today. When Mike is away I like to stay busy in the daytime. I am going to a yoga class ( three hour yoga class) given by a local yoga teacher Kati Brennan at Blue Banyan Yoga in Mt. Airy.

Maybe I'll blog about it. I am working on launching a new web site. I hope to have it up with all my future information by September or so. For now my very basic, but lovingly built one will have to do....www.jillmanning.com

My Scooby

Tuesday afternoon my mother-in-law took our dog, Angie on vacation to her house. When Mike and I travel she goes to Mike's mom house sometimes for the weekend, and sometimes for significantly longer stretches of time. Over the past five years they have really bonded and often when Angie returns to our house she is a bit depressed.

I've really been missing her over just these few days. Our house feels empty. She is coming home just as Mike is heading to Chicago to visit his friend. It seems like there is so much coming and going around here.

Practice this week has been slow due to the pain in my left wrist. I am heading back to the mat this afternoon after some rest and, we'll see. I am trying to get some things going for the fall and hopefully I'll have some details soon. I am trying to come up with a new name for this blog. Something fresh for the third Mysore adventure.

First Trip---Curry Up!

Second Trip---Side Saddle Sari

Third Trip ?????

I welcome suggestions.

Postponing Preparations

I think that I should really being doing something to "get ready" for this trip. I sit here in my (husbands) home office in Philadelphia and can't think of one thing to "do." Although this is the third trip that I have made like this in less than two years I am more nervous and scared than ever.

It is the aloneness of it all. Me and Me, and of coarse about a hundred of Ashtangi's from around the globe.

Maybe I'll start the checklist here:

Things I have done:

Plane ticket booked

Visa secured (I bought a ten year, best advice I got)

Subs for all of my yoga classes at home

Ride from airport in Mysore

Housing secured in Mysore


Things I have yet to do:

Update my vaccinations

Malaria medication (yes, I take it...HEYAM DUKHAM ANAGATAM)

Get my laptop back from my brother in law, who is updating for me

Figure out what to bring for 9 weeks that will fit in a carry item

Mentally prepare for life without my husband and sweet dog

Put the YMCA membership on hold (I like to swim)

Put some work in place for my return

Anything else?

Much Needed Update

Posting everyday, or a least every so often has proven to be harder than I thought. Since I am having a tough time updating my web site I am taking this opportunity to do so in a blog form.

1. Sanskrit Club is meeting this Friday at Wake Up Yoga 7:15. If you have taken a level one in this subject anywhere you can attend. It's free! And Fun!

2. Teacher Training Applications are due today. There are ONLY 18 spots available and if you are still interested, and there is still space give a call to Wake Up and find out if this is the year to change your relationship with yoga and even change your life.

3. I am leaving for India on July 19th and will be back September 20. Come share practice and check back for upcoming events/happenings in the fall.

4. Costa Rica '09.....need I say more. Check the link: http://www.wakeupyoga.com/CostaRicaRetreat.htm


Poem that I have been contemplating

This Is Just To Say
by William Carlos Williams

I have eaten
the plums
that were in
the icebox
and which
you were probably
saving
for breakfast

Forgive me
they were delicious
so sweet
and so cold

As the practice of Yoga wiggles its way in

How do these speak to your relationship to Yoga practice


In the Station of the Metro--Ezra Pound

The apparition of these faces in the crowd;
Petals on a wet, black bough

The Great Figure--William Carlos Williams

Among the rain
and lights
I saw a figure 5
in gold
on a red
fire truck
moving
tense
unheeded
to gong clangs
siren howls
and wheels rumbling
through the dark city.

Sanskrit Play Date! May16th 7:45pm

This Friday night at Wake Up Yoga (www.wakeupyoga.com) I am "leading" a Sanskrit play date. This is the first of three that I am leading until I head back to India (June 13 and July 11) we will practice chanting, sharpen our reading and writing skills, and I can promise have lots of fun building a community of sound and sound vibration. It's FREE, and at the Fairmount location. If you have questions please contact me at, yoga@jillmanning.com

Hari OM

I love spine, how about you?

Check out this great DVD!

Taking Rest

It has been too long! I know. The time came where I needed to unplug and fly away to Mexico. Seriously. My yoga teacher hosted a yoga rest stop in beautiful Trocones, Mexico. Mike and I went and it was perfect. Practice, the Pacific, and perfectly prepared guacamole. I'll post some pictures soon, it seems that my computer is also a little fried.

I am hoping to update my website some time this week with some exciting events (yoga in Costa Rica!) www.wakeupyoga.com, Full led primary classes on Sunday mornings
10am for the month of May, www.yogasquared.com. Sanskrit Club, D.C. workshop, etc. All before I fly back to the Mother Ship (July 19th).


Please email me for further information, or just to chat

Namo Namah

Cross Blogging

My sister, the food writer, featured me in her blog. Check it out:

http://www.phillymag.com/blogs/philly_dining/2008/04/09/the-usual/

It's confirmed, I am leaving for India on the 19th of July!!! If you are interested in practicing/studying with me here are some points of interest.


This Saturday there is a Teacher Training Information Session at Wake Up Yoga (Fairmount location) at 12pm, you can always come early at practice with me at 10am.

I am also putting together my first out of town workshop at Inspired Yoga in DC (www.inspiredyoga.com) June 21st and June 22nd.

The Point

I have been staring at the Air France website for days now. I have typed in the details over and over again, and have wished that the ticket would pop up at a greatly reduced price. No such luck. Flying to India is expensive. I have secured housing, and said it out loud, but I still can't seem to push the purchase button. I know that I have fears. I'll be all alone this time no Mike, no Amy, just me for 7weeks. Talk about going all the way with yourself. I'll be away from home for 9 weeks which seems totally nuts. I know it my heart that this feeds me, and creates a closeness between myself and the practice of yoga.

I picked up this card at Whole Food the other day, it made me think of Manorama. What did the card say, "In the long run, we only hit what we aim at." Thoreau

NBD (no big deal), NST (no small thing)

My plan was to write everyday that I was working with my teacher, but alas that was not the reality. Teacher Training is in its final, final stages and I am beginning to feel like an Indian icon, basically a lady with between 8and 12 arms. Working this weeks was very inspiring, and also very exhausting. It is no wonder that students take refuge in India to work on themselves in relation to the practice itself.

Spring is taking its time here in Philadelphia, and I am just fine with that. I also feel like I am not exactly ready to shed the winter and bust into spring, so I too am moving slowly.

Dve

I discovered inside of practice yesterday a switch. Second Series has moved from this huge head trip of a big deal to really no big deal. I hung out in asana's instead of rushing through them. It started to feel in many sections like a coming into myself.

After I landed successfully in Karandavasana for the second day in a row, I moved quietly on to my back bending section. For the first time in many, many months I have received a new pose, mayurasana. I didn't know anything about the vinyasa into and out of this pose not to mention any technique for making this incredibly challenging asana. No such luck yesterday, yes, it seems like a hit another bump in the road. Today is another practice.

Mike and I have taken up the practice of boycotting goods from China so far it hasn't been that tough. I got a new copybook yesterday, made in Vietnam.

Ekam

I have been working for the last two years in this mode...work with my teacher for a short, but intense period of time and then self practice. Long trips to India have also helped along the way, but it is a style that works for me. The excitement that fuels the practice on the first Mysore practice is wild. My plan was to go easy on myself and complete a full clean primary and build from there. Instead I completed primary and continued on to complete all of what I have been taught of second, all the way up to and including a pretty nice Karandavasana.....that's one long practice!


Who knows what day two will have in store, that wild energy it has been my experience, only last one practice.