It feels like the first time

As I flipped the calendar in my kitchen (http://www.phillypaws.org/) from June to July I had a mini panic attack. There it was staring at me, "Jill leaves for India!" In some ways I am very ready. I feel like I am teaching on fumes, like there is nothing left to say. My body hurts, it feels tight and tense, so practice is slow and sluggish. I need a boost, I need to relinquish the teacher role entirely and dive back into studentship. I can't seem to catch my breath when I ponder the other side. Leaving this life. Saying goodbye to my comfortable home and the love of my friends and family. My husband and I have been together for nearly 6 years and in that time we have not been away from each other for this long. Here it comes, the panic. Now I remind myself, "whole body relax, whole body relax."