Teacher Training felt pretty amazing last night. We have arrived at the point where I can see the dots connecting, and even while some share their thoughts you can see the thought change internally, they pause, and think about what they really think. As I was falling asleep I remembered how at conference Sharath knew when to answer the question, and he knew when to let a students question hang in the Shala's atmosphere, and then go on to another question. I threaded this experience back to my struggle with Pasasana http://jillmanning.blogspot.com/2008/07/oh-what-pitiful-pasasana-you-have.html, and how I was so desperately wanting Sharath's help, and how I was doubting that he was even paying attention to me. As I began to bind (on my own) regularly he then moved me forward. He gave me the gift of me struggling to answer my own questions.
After the dropbacks workshop last week, I began to wonder if I stressed enough the process, struggle, the inability to do, the inner strength that is cultivated when working through something that is very difficult, frighting, and intense. The bonds of yoga are formed by this shared acknowledgment of, "boy, that stuff is tough!" When I meet someone who can read Sanskrit quickly I feel bonded to them, when I meet someone who has sat for an hour waiting to practice at the Shala, I am bonded to them. It is like we waded into the water not really knowing how deep, or if we could swim to the other side, but there we are on the other side together with another vast body of water before us. We continue to wade, at the point there is no turning back.
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