Wednesday, March 16, 2011
"Faith is an overused coin." Dr. M.A. Narasimhan
śraddhā is having total trust that what I am going through is right; not having any doubt.
śraddhā is deep trust.
It seems my storehouse of śraddhā is seriously lacking today. It is funny that I have spent so much time writing about doubt this trip. At first I was doubting myself....am I strong enough for this long time away from home?, what am I doing here?, why am I practicing? Now I am doubting what will happen next. I am doubting my place as a teacher. I am holding a series of workshops but if there are no students there will be no teaching. All that overwhelmed excitement for being Authorized, given that extreme honor and not be able to teach.
Yesterday at Jayashree's we spent so much time chanting and then she spoke about lineage, sound, vibration, students and teachers, and the Saha na mantra. It was one of those amazing moments as a student having prepared for years to be able to actually take in what this great teacher was offering. Then she said something that made me cry.
"teachers without students...it is of no use
students without a teacher...that is also of no use."
Dr. M.A. Jayashree
New doubt....am I of no use?
I'll be leaving Mysore two weeks...well...from about right now! I am attempting to sit with śraddhā as a deep trust, draw it close to me and have total trust that what I am going through is right.